Geezer Planet

Shuffling - 45th Annual Old Time Fiddlers Convention

2012-01-26T22:28:00.000-05:00

2012-01-25T21:33:00.000-05:00

Some politicians kiss babies some....

2012-01-24T08:15:00.001-05:00

2012-01-23T13:43:00.000-05:00

An old Italian man and his wife were having dinner at a very fine restaurant when this absolutely stunning young woman comes over to their table, gives the husband a big open-mouthed kiss, then says she'll see him later and walks away. ... The wife glares at her husband and says, "Who was that?" "Oh," replies the husband, "she's my mistress." "Well, that's the last straw," says the wife. "I've had enough, I want a divorce!" "I can understand that," replies her husband, "but remember, if we get a divorce it will mean no more shopping trips to Paris, no more wintering in Barbados, no more summers in Tuscany, no more Jaguar in the garage and no more yacht club. No more credit card and large Bank accounts. But... The decision is all yours." Just then, a mutual friend enters the restaurant with a gorgeous babe on his arm. "Who's that woman with Tony?" asks the wife. "That's his mistress," says her husband. "Ours is prettier," she replies.

2012-01-21T16:45:00.000-05:00

As we get older we should exercise more so we can kick ass.

2012-01-20T07:28:00.001-05:00

2012-01-16T14:24:00.002-05:00

2012-01-16T14:22:00.003-05:00

Old Age

2012-01-08T20:26:00.002-05:00

An Old man went to the doctor complaining of a terrible pain in his leg. “I am afraid it’s just old age”, replied the doctor, “there is nothing we can do about it.” “That can’t be” fumed the old man, “you don’t know what you are doing.” “How can you possibly know I am wrong?” countered the doctor. “Well it’s quite obvious,” the old man replied, “my other leg is fine, and it’s the exact same age!”

Two Old Lawyers

2012-01-05T07:08:00.003-05:00

Two old lawyers had been stranded on a desert island 30 years. The only thing on the island was a tall coconut tree that provided them their only food. Each day one of the old lawyers would climb to the top to see if he could spot a rescue boat coming. One day the lawyer yelled down from the tree, "WOW, I just can't believe my eyes. There is a woman out there floating in our direction." The old lawyer on the ground was most skeptical and said, "You're hallucinating, you've finally lost your mind." But within a few minutes, up to the beach floated a stunningly beautiful woman, face up, totally naked, unconscious, without even so much as a ring or earrings on her person. The two old lawyers went down to the water, dragged her up on the beach and discovered, yes, she was alive, warm and breathing. One said to the other, "You know, we've been on this God forsaken island for years now without a woman. It's been such a long, long time... So ... Do you think we should... well... You know... Screw her?" "Out of WHAT?!?" asked the other old lawyer.

2012-01-01T14:35:00.002-05:00

Grandpa! You gotta stop doing that.

2012-01-01T14:31:00.001-05:00

2011-12-30T06:00:00.000-05:00

Be sure to visit my website
http://www.geezerplanet.com

Lots more senior humor there.

2011-12-29T07:24:00.002-05:00

Finally a keyboard for us old retired guys

2011-12-28T13:07:00.000-05:00

2011-12-28T07:31:00.002-05:00

No Health Insurance

2011-12-25T10:33:00.000-05:00

An old man suffered a serious heart attack and had open heart bypass surgery. He awakened from the surgery to find himself in the care of nuns at a Catholic Hospital. As he was recovering, a nun asked him how he was going to pay for his treatment. She asked, "Do you have health insurance?" He replied in a raspy voice, "No health insurance." The nun asked, "Do you have money in the bank?" He replied, "No money in the bank." The nun asked, "Do you have a relative who could help you?" He said, "I only have a spinster sister, who is a nun." The nun became agitated and announced loudly, "Nuns are not spinsters! Nuns are married to God." The patient replied, "Good. Send the bill to my brother-in-law."

Too much Egg Nog

2011-12-25T10:31:00.000-05:00

The Old Geezer is Back

2011-12-24T08:40:00.000-05:00

Grandpa is in for a big surprise

2011-12-23T18:23:00.002-05:00

2011-12-20T07:22:00.002-05:00

The perfect holiday gift for the old geezer

2011-12-18T14:06:00.000-05:00

Gansta Grannies

2011-12-14T13:46:00.000-05:00

2011-12-07T21:45:00.000-05:00

Old geezer just chillin'

2011-11-30T05:24:00.000-05:00

Finding Jesus

2011-11-25T12:46:00.000-05:00

An old Irishman is stumbling through the woods, totally drunk, when he comes upon a preacher baptizing people in the river. He proceeds into the water, subsequently bumping into the preacher. The preacher turns around and is almost overcome by the smell of alcohol, hereupon, he asks the drunk, "Are you ready to find Jesus?" The drunk shouts, "Yes, oi am." So the preacher grabs him and dunks him in the water. He pulls him back and asks, "Brother, have you found Jesus?" The drunk replies, "No, oi haven't found Jesus!" The preacher, shocked at the answer, dunks him again but for a little longer. He again pulls him out of the water and asks, "Have you found Jesus, me brother?" The drunk answers, "No, oi haven't found Jesus!" By this time, the preacher is at his wits end and dunks the drunk again -- but this time holds him down for about 30 seconds, and when he begins kicking his arms and legs about, he pulls him up. The preacher again asks the drunk, "For the love of God, have you found Jesus?" The drunk staggers upright, wipes his eyes, coughs up a bit of water, catches his breath, and says to the preacher, "Are you sure this is where he bloody fell in?"

Found a loving family

2011-11-25T09:01:00.000-05:00

Love this photo. I Love the blissful expression on the womans face. Nice to see older folks in love.

2011-11-25T08:37:00.000-05:00

I need a push

2011-11-23T18:29:00.001-05:00

An elderly couple were awakened at 3:00 am by a loud pounding on the door. The old man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push. "Not a chance," says the husband, "it is 3:00 in the morning!" He slams the door and returns to bed. "Who was that?" asked his wife.. "Just some drunk guy asking for a push," he answers. "Did you help him?" she asks. "No, I did not, its 3am in the morning and its bloody pouring rain out there!" "Well, you have a short memory," says his wife. "Can't you remember? About three months ago when we broke down, and those two young guys helped us? I think you should help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself! "God loves drunk people too you know." The old man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out into the pounding rain. He calls out into the dark, "Hello, are you still there?" "Yes," comes back the answer. "Do you still need a push?" calls out the husband. "Yes, please!" Comes the reply from the dark. "Where are you?" asks the husband. "Over here on the swing," replied the drunk..

Old Amish man gets an idea.

2011-11-23T07:08:00.000-05:00

2011-11-20T07:37:00.002-05:00

Born to be wild...

2011-11-16T07:26:00.002-05:00

2011-11-16T07:09:00.001-05:00

Free Refills

2011-11-12T18:14:00.002-05:00

The Walmart Senior Greeter

2011-11-11T13:42:00.000-05:00

You just have to appreciate this one. Young people forget that we old people had a career before we retired...

Charley, a new retiree-greeter at Wal-Mart, just couldn't seem to get to work on time. Every day he was 5, 10, 15 minutes late. But he was a good worker, really tidy, clean-shaven, sharp-minded and a real credit to the company and obviously demonstrating their "Older Person Friendly" policies. One day the boss called him into the office for a talk. "Charley, I have to tell you, I like your work ethic, you do a bang-up job when you finally get here; but your being late so often is quite bothersome." "Yes, I know boss, and I am working on it." "Well good, you are a team player. That's what I like to hear. Yes sir, I understand your concern and I will try harder. Seeming puzzled, the manager went on to comment, I know you're retired from the Armed Forces. What did they say to you there if you showed up in the morning late so often?" The old man looked down at the floor, then smiled. He chuckled quietly, then said with a grin, "They usually saluted and said, Good morning, Admiral, can I get your coffee, sir? One of my favorite stories.

Where can I get one?

2011-11-10T05:50:00.000-05:00

The Three Samurai

2011-11-05T19:51:00.000-05:00

There once was a powerful old Japanese emperor who needed a new chief samurai. So he sent out a declaration throughout the entire known world that he was searching for a chief. A year passed, and only three people applied for the very demanding position: a Japanese samurai, a Chinese samurai, and a Jewish samurai. The old emperor asked the Japanese samurai to come in and demonstrate why he should be the chief samurai. The Japanese samurai opened a matchbox, and out popped a bumblebee. Whoosh! went his sword. The bumble bee dropped dead at the Emperor's feet, neatly chopped in half. The emperor exclaimed, "That is very impressive!" The old emperor then issued the same challenge to the Chinese samurai, to come in and demonstrate why he should be chosen. The Chinese samurai also opened a matchbox and out buzzed a fly. Whoosh, whoosh, whoosh, whoosh! The fly dropped dead at the Emperor's feet, neatly chopped into four small pieces. The old emperor exclaimed, "That is very impressive!" Now the old emperor turned to the Jewish samurai, and asked him to demonstrate why he should be the chief samurai. The Jewish Samurai opened a matchbox, and out flew a gnat. His flashing sword went Whoosh! But the gnat was still alive and flying around. The emperor, obviously disappointed, said, "Very ambitious, but why is that gnat not dead?" The Jewish Samurai just smiled and said, "Circumcision is not meant to kill."

Everyone in the lake

2011-11-04T06:07:00.000-05:00

2011-11-01T14:16:00.002-05:00

The uninvited visitor

2011-10-29T18:45:00.001-05:00

At The Movies

2011-10-27T04:06:00.001-05:00

An old man lay sprawled across three entire seats in the movie theater. When the usher came by and noticed this, he whispered to the old man, “Sorry sir, but you’re only allowed one seat.” The old man groaned but didn’t budge. The usher became more impatient. “Sir, if you don’t get up from there I’m going to have to call the manager.” Once again, the old man just groaned. The usher marched briskly back up the aisle, and in a moment he returned with the manager. Together the two of them tried repeatedly to move the old disheveled man, but with no success. Finally they summoned the police. The officer surveyed the situation briefly then asked, “All right buddy what’s your name?” “Fred,” the old man moaned. “Where ya from, Fred?” asked the police officer. With terrible pain in his voice, and without moving a muscle, Fred replied, “The balcony…”

2011-10-25T20:36:00.000-05:00

2011-10-25T05:36:00.002-05:00

The Blue Angels

2011-10-21T06:13:00.000-05:00

Hurrying home with the latest issue of Booty Magazine.

2011-10-19T07:10:00.000-05:00

Old Super Heros Never Die....

2011-10-16T13:48:00.000-05:00

Fast Forward...

2011-10-12T06:46:00.002-05:00

The Venice Beach Wino

2011-10-09T18:36:00.000-05:00

2011-10-07T06:25:00.002-05:00

2011-10-06T20:50:00.001-05:00

The apple design is by Jonathan Mak Long. I just superimposed Steve Jobs' photo into it.

Vintage Advertisement: Celery, Nature's Toothbrush

2011-10-05T06:29:00.000-05:00

What Up?

2011-10-04T02:44:00.002-05:00

Alcohol Abuse Lecture

2011-09-28T06:48:00.000-05:00

An elderly man is stopped by the police around 2 a.m. and is asked where he is going at this time of night. The man replies, "I am on my way to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body, as well as smoking and staying out late." The officer then asks, "Really? Who is giving that lecture at this time of night?" The man replies, "That would be my wife."

I love this old Leprechaun toilet paper holder

2011-09-27T06:46:00.000-05:00

Confucius say "I hear and I forget. I see and I remember. I do and I understand."

2011-09-25T20:33:00.000-05:00

The clothes make the man

2011-09-23T05:18:00.000-05:00

For all you Frank Sinatra fans - My Space

2011-09-21T04:16:00.000-05:00

Finders Keepers...

2011-09-18T13:29:00.000-05:00

'Web Cam 101 For Seniors' Turns Oregon Oldsters Into YouTube Celebrities

2011-09-15T06:04:00.000-05:00

A couple from northwestern Oregon who are Internet newbies have found themselves the unwitting subjects of an instant viral video, thanks to a little help from a grandkid. Bruce Huffman, 86, and his wife, Esther, 79, of the Hillside Retirement Community in McMinnville, recently purchased their first laptop computer –- an aqua colored beauty with a built-in webcam. Late last month, the couple sat down together and tried to figure out how to make a video with the webcam, something a granddaughter had painstakingly attempted to teach Esther a few days beforehand. "I was trying to figure out how to do the videos and didn't know the thing was actually running," Esther told The Huffington Post. "All the while, Bruce was kind of amusing himself because he was bored. He was being quite an actor."

The nearly three minute video captures Bruce making funny faces, singing, burping and at one point, during a moment of levity, he got a little flirtatious with his wife. "See how pretty your hair is?" he said. "Just drop your dress a little bit and see your boobies." Esther, focused on the task at hand, shot down the request. "Come on stop it. No, no, no," she laughed. When the couple's granddaughter later saw the video, she titled it "Web Cam 101 for Seniors" and uploaded it on YouTube.

Fill in the blanks...

2011-09-13T05:36:00.000-05:00

Linda and Stacey at the Klamath River Cafe.

How to impress the ladies?

2011-09-10T11:26:00.000-05:00

An old guy was working out in the gym when he spotted a sweet young thing... He asked the trainer that was near-by, "What machine in here should I use to impress that sweet thing over there?" The trainer looked him up and down and said, "I would try the ATM in the lobby."

Technology for old country folk

2011-09-08T05:23:00.000-05:00

Is that you grandpa?

2011-09-05T06:33:00.000-05:00

It's actually (Old Man Cactus), a species of cactus native to Guanajuato and Hidalgo in eastern Mexico. It is threatened in the wild, but widespread propagation and popularity in cultivation have reduced the demand on wild populations. It is a tall columnar species with clusters of stems, growing to 5-15 m tall; the individual stems are usually unbranched, being unable to withstand the weight of side branches easily. The most striking feature is the long, white hairs it possesses, which serve to protect it from the sun. The coat of hair makes many plants appear almost snow-white (however, the hairs conceal numerous sharp yellow spines). It is in reference to the shaggy white coat that the popular name 'Old Man Cactus' developed. At the young stage the cactus has silvery-white hairs, which are later lost as the plant grows.

Ever have one of these days?

2011-09-04T11:53:00.000-05:00

Not quite Gilligan's Island

2011-09-03T11:35:00.000-05:00

A charter cruise on the South Pacific goes horribly wrong, the ship sinks, and there are only 3 survivors; Jim, Tom and little ol' Susie. The old geezers manage to swim to a small island and they live there for a couple of years doing what's natural for men and women to do. After several years of casual sex, almost daily to break the boredom, Susie felt absolutely horrible about what she was doing. She felt having sex with both Jim and Tom was so immoral and bad that she killed herself. It was tragic, but old Jim and Tom managed to get through it. After a while, Jim and Tom's resistance to nature's urgings waned, and the inevitable happened. Well, a couple more years went by and Jim and Tom began to feel absolutely horrible about what they were doing... So, they buried Susie.

Fashion Update

2011-09-03T07:46:00.000-05:00

Grandma and the grandkids

2011-08-31T04:33:00.000-05:00

Retirement options

2011-08-30T06:43:00.000-05:00

For all you Geezer Twitters

2011-08-28T16:27:00.000-05:00

Tattoos are all the rage now with pensioners.

2011-08-25T19:35:00.000-05:00

Small Town

2011-08-22T17:58:00.001-05:00

I just moved to a small retirement town in Illinois. I never realized just how small the town was until my wife and I decided to go into town and take in a movie. I called the theater and asked what time the movie started. The manager answered the phone and replied, "When can you get here?"

OMG! Can this old geezer rock or what? The next YouTube sensation.

2011-08-20T07:54:00.000-05:00

Шикарное соло

The Geezer Planet 2011 Fly Catching Champion

2011-08-16T20:31:00.000-05:00

Don't you hate it when the Mrs. is clothes shopping?

2011-08-13T10:53:00.000-05:00

Press

2011-08-09T19:49:00.002-05:00

Why older women shouldn't sunbathe in the nude.

2011-08-08T05:41:00.000-05:00

Have you ever seen a real Chia Pet?

2011-08-07T08:53:00.000-05:00

For all you old geezers out there that are Still Rockin'

2011-08-06T07:44:00.000-05:00

My newest T-Shirt design is available at Cafepress. Click Here

Being the retired Chief of Police has some perks

2011-08-03T06:53:00.000-05:00

The latest in medical devices. The new iPacemaker.

2011-08-01T05:55:00.001-05:00

Be vewy vewy quiet.... grandpa is hunting wabbits and other creatures.

2011-07-30T10:39:00.000-05:00

Ahhh.. the good old days.

2011-07-30T10:16:00.000-05:00

OMG! How the Chinese treat prostate problems.

2011-07-27T18:43:00.000-05:00

Pickles

2011-07-27T06:50:00.000-05:00

Grandma will eventually emerge as a beautiful butterfly

2011-07-26T07:05:00.001-05:00

"It's fun to stay at the......?" Maybe it's one of the Village People.

2011-07-24T06:13:00.000-05:00

Little Devil

2011-07-22T06:11:00.002-05:00

Superman's Mom

2011-07-21T06:50:00.000-05:00

Extreme Tailgaiting

2011-07-18T06:47:00.000-05:00

Geezer Heaven

2011-07-16T10:08:00.000-05:00

The Ol' Geezer with Radio DJ Delilah from 106.7 Lite FM. She wanted her picture taken with me.

2011-07-14T17:37:00.003-05:00

Pets are such good therapy for seniors

2011-07-14T07:12:00.001-05:00

Looks like Lloyd Bridges from Sea Hunt? My age is showing.

COUNTRY LIVING. For seniors who love the great outdoors.

2011-07-12T06:12:00.002-05:00

Give a man a fish, you feed him for a day. Give a man a net, you feed the entire tribe.

2011-07-12T06:08:00.002-05:00

The waters were rough and dangerous; the waves were breaking high. We were using only a 20 foot seine net to catch some of Long Island's prized minnows and snappers. They put up a good fight, but they were no match for the determined old geezers. Maybe next weekend I will bring the camcorder to record all the action. The best bait is free. The baby blue fish were really good eating. A little salt, pepper and flour then deep fried them... OMG! yum yum.

2011-07-08T21:38:00.000-05:00

What would you do for a Klondike Bar?

2011-07-06T05:03:00.002-05:00

Nothing like a good six pack and a little nap

2011-07-05T04:57:00.000-05:00

Just a little backyard BBQ at my neighbors house. Happy 4th of July everyone.

2011-07-04T08:39:00.000-05:00

Feeling a little stuffy and claustrophobic, one of Billy's twins comes out for a breath of fresh air.

2011-07-03T06:18:00.000-05:00

This is Father Murray's Facebook page... check out the bible app...

2011-07-01T08:22:00.001-05:00

Technology or divine intervention?