The Nation's #1 Killer

This bumper sticker is available for purchase in my GeezerShop.

How to avoid the Flu

If you're over 50, take the doctor ' s approach. Think about it... When you go for a flu shot, what do they do first? They clean your arm with alcohol. Why? because ALCOHOL KILLS GERMS.

So...
I walk to the pub. (exercise)
I put lime in my vodka. (fruit)
Celery in my Bloody Mary. (veggies)
Drink outdoors on the patio. (fresh air)
Tell rude jokes and laugh. (eliminate stress)
Then I pass out. (rest)

The way I see it...
If you keep your alcohol levels up, Flu germs Can't get you!
As my grandmother always said, 'A shot in the glass is better than one in the ass!'

Spacebook, the new social network website.

The Shady Rest Nursing Home cancels it's Ensure contract.

Another sign of aging that often gets overlooked

It's the dreaded scribble scrabble. I've got it to. It spread to my feet also.

If you see something, say something.

That's exactly what one elderly Sullivan Road, Ohio resident did when he saw someone drop a package on his doorstep and leave. Hilarious.

Now you can literally climb out of bed.

Bed ladder makes getting out of bed easy. The sturdy wooden rungs provide stability and comfortable grips for pulling yourself up without help from others. A great aid for the elderly and people with disabilities. Great for hospitals and care centers. Simply loops around bedposts or bed legs. Wood, 118 x 10". Available from Taylor Gifts.

Never Let Your Heart Grow Old

Happy Thanksgiving from my blog to your yours.

Easy Rider

This is actually one of a series of pictures from a calendar. Bernard claims he needs the money for retirement.

How many of you old geezers will want a pack of these?

POCKETOILET™ utilises advanced technology originally developed to relieve the problems of astronauts in space. The material will absorb urine up to 30 times its own weight. POCKETOILET™ contains fluids safely whilst you are on the move. Designed for urine, the rapid performing super absorbent lining converts the fluid into a secure gel for safe disposal. POCKETOILET™ also helps contain odours and prevent germs from spreading. Ideal for travel and incontinence sufferers it is also recommended for the elderly and those with impaired mobility. The reinforced opening is easy to hold in use. A single pouch can lock away 400ml of urine, with no danger of leakage, making it suitable for all males upwards of 3 years old. POCKETOILET™ is a glove box necessity for all male motorists who may get stuck in a traffic jam!

Editors Note: Anyone know how much 400ml is? I can probably fill a milk container with my morning leak. I think they are only available in the UK though. You can order from this link: Pocket Toilet

One sign of aging is swollen joints

Why is the roach clip called a roach clip? Because pot holder was taken.

"Honey... did you see where your dad went to?" "OMG!"



Did you see a hill?

This is my newest bumper sticker for sale in my Geezershop.

Wow! I can't wait till I get older.

Us old people have rocking chairs and now...

a Rocking Bed. I think this is so cool. I love it. I guess me and my wife will take turns rocking each other to sleep.

Someting wong!! you see wong docta. You need pediatrician.

Even seniors should practice safe sex

Old Indian Chief Very Wise Man

The Old Man and the Pelican

Embarrasing moment for Leslie Nielsen

New airport security screening just fine with some old ladies.

Philadelphia, PA-- Airports around the country are seeing a sharp increase in visits by old maids and spinsters. The lonely ladies are horny, and can't wait to get in line for that special touch by the TSA employees. Many old maids say they have had their first orgasms, while being prodded and searched. Miss Vicky Smegma is a 59-year old virgin, and visits the Philadelphia Airport at least twice a week for kinky thrills. "I always ask to be frisked by security. It's the only human contact I've ever experienced." said the retired English teacher. Miss Amy Oldfart is another retired English teacher, and sometimes joins Miss Smegma on their perverted excursions to the airport. "I just had my first orgasm!" exclaimed the 81-year old troll. "I declined the electronic strip search, and a big, beefy TSA employee came out. He touched me in places that I never knew I had." she said. "What a wonderful way to spend retirement." said the sexually satisfied Miss Oldfart. "This is much more fun then gambling or Bingo!"

Thongs were made for women, but in this case I'll make an exception. Grandpa is definitely hotter than Grandma.

Expressions

Some of us are Generation X, but the next Generation is...

Generation Y.

Tough choice. NOT.

There's nothing like the smell of a pot of freshly brewed coffee and sizzling bacon cooking (OMG!) to get your old lazy ass out of bed in the morning. That's natures alarm clock for me. Would love to see someone can that smell into an air freshner or better yet, a men's cologne.

A Thanksgiving Story

I'd like to share a touching Thanksgiving story with you. One year at Thanksgiving, my mom, God bless her soul, went to my sister's house for the traditional feast. Knowing how gullible my sister is, my mom decided to play a little trick on her. She told my sister that she needed something from the store. When my sister left, my mom took the turkey out of the oven, removed the stuffing, stuffed a Cornish hen, and inserted it into the turkey, and re-stuffed the turkey. She then placed the bird(s) back in the oven. When it was time for dinner, my sister pulled the turkey out of the oven and proceeded to remove the stuffing. When her serving spoon hit something, she reached in and pulled out the little bird. With a look of total shock on her face, my mother exclaimed, "Patricia, you've cooked a pregnant bird!" At the reality of this horrifying news, my sister started to cry. It took me and my family two hours to convince her that turkeys lay eggs! Yep, she's blonde!

Retirement Planning

Outside England‘s Bristol Zoo there is a parking lot for 150 cars and 8 buses. For 25 years, its parking fees were managed by a very pleasant attendant. The fees were 1 pound for cars ($1.40), 5 pounds for busses (about $7). Then, one day, after 25 solid years of never missing a day of work, he just didn’t show up; so the Zoo Management called the City Council and asked it to send them another parking agent. The Council did some research and replied that the parking lot was the Zoo’s own responsibility. The Zoo advised the Council that the attendant was a City employee. The City Council responded that the lot attendant had never been on the City payroll.

Meanwhile, sitting in his villa somewhere on the coast of Spain (or some such scenario), is a man who’d apparently had a ticket machine installed completely on his own; and then had simply begun to show up every day, commencing to collect and keep the parking fees, estimated at about $560 per day — for 25 years. Assuming 7 days a week, this amounts to just over $7 million dollars! And no one even knows his name.

You gotta keep the old motor running

The marriage of an 80 year old man and a 20 year old woman was the talk of the town. After being married a year, the couple went to the hospital for the birth of their first child. The attending nurse came out of the delivery room to congratulate the old gentleman and said, "This is amazing. How do you do it at your age?" The old man grinned and said, "You got to keep the old motor running." The following year, the couple returned to the hospital for the birth of their second child. The same nurse was attending the delivery and again went out to congratulate the old gentleman. She said, "Sir, you are something else. How do you manage it?" The old man grinned and said, "You gotta keep the old motor running.." A year later, the couple returned to the hospital for the birth of their third child. The same nurse was there for this birth also and, after the delivery, she once again approached the old gentleman, smiled, and said, "Well, you surely are something else! How do you do it?" The old man replied, "It's like I've told you before, you gotta keep the old motor running." The nurse, still smiling, patted him on the back and said: "Well, I guess it's time to change the oil. This one's black."

Some Ol' cowboys having some fun

Ain't this the truth...

You can but this bumper sticker form my GeezerShop.

The Wine Connoisseur

I interrupt this blog to bring you a commerical announcement...

Please right click on my promotional banner above, save it to your computer, and email it as an attachment to any old geezers in your life. Laughter is indeed the best medicine. A special "Thank You" to all my loyal followers. Enjoy my blog? drop me an email: michael@pmcaregivers.com.

How To Live Forever - Required viewing for all who plan to grow old one day.

How to Live Forever: This quirky and caring examination of old age, how to fight against it, and — perhaps most of all — how to accept it with grace is directed by and starring Mark Wexler (pictured above), the son of cinematographer Haskell Wexler. Spurred into considering his own mortality by the decline and death of his mother, Wexler dives into the longevity movement, from cryogenics to basic exercise, and even attends an undertaker’s convention. It’s an eye-opening, hilarious, and fun take on the most serious of subjects. Required viewing for all who plan to grow old one day. Visit: http://liveforevermovie.com/.

If you see something, say something.

It's hardly worth the effort to try to be a responsible citizen these days. I saw a terrorist fall into the Hudson River early this morning on my way to work, and being a responsible citizen, I notified the local Emergency Services. I'm too old to play hero. It's now 7 P.M. and they still haven't responded. I'm starting to think I wasted a postage stamp.

Senior Editor

Double Your Pleasure - Very Entertaining

GARY CHANEY alongside his wife CHARLOTTE and partner DEBBIE WHEELIS have been swing dancing for years. It was their tandem Imperial Swing routine that was filmed and posted on YouTube in May of 2009 that got the attention of thousands of viewers. All three dancers have been dancing since their young teenage years, although Gary, Charlotte and Debbie only became a team in 1997 while meeting as members of the first swing dance club in St. Louis. Debbie Wheelis was one of the founders of the St. Louis dance club and is now part of the Midwest Swing Dance Federation. She has contributed exceptional volunteer service toward the preservation and promotion of swing dancing. Gary and Charlotte have been dancing together for most of their lives. They have been members of the South Side Imperial Dance Club since 1980. Gary has served as the club's Vice-President and President over his many years of active service on the Board of Directors. He has also received the Living Legends Award. Gary and Charlotte have competed in dance competitions all over the U.S.A, winning or placing in many, including the US Open Championship in Anaheim California. As true ambassadors of dance, promoting what they love, they have performed their fantastic tandem dance routine and have given workshops at various dance events throughout the United States.

Carol Channing gets a star

Carol Channing received a star on the Palm Springs Walk of Fame the other day. According to Broadway World, the hour-long ceremony attracted hundreds of fans, local dignitaries, and "fellow stars like Trini Lopez." Which makes me laugh for some reason. Comedian Rip Taylor sent a note which (predictably) read: "I always knew you'd have people walking all over you."

102 year old biker chick

It all started with a conversation about wishes between girlfriends at Lake Shore Commons Retirement Community near the hospital. “I said I would like to ride a Harley someday,” said 102-year-old Bess Tancrelle, “and another lady said, ‘I’d like to drive an 18-wheeler.’ ” With the help of her family, friends and the members of the Coastal Carolina Harley Owners Group of the Harley-Davidson dealership in Wilmington, Tancrelle got her wish. On her 102nd birthday on Tuesday, Tancrelle and her 97-year-old sister Clara Sternberger took their first rides on Harley motorcycles around Greenfield Lake. Sitting on the back of a large silver motorcycle, Tancrelle gave two thumbs up as a group of 10 Harley riders revved their engines. She wore a black and orange leather Harley-Davidson jacket and a black helmet with a “Life’s too short” sticker on it. Her younger sister grinned from the sidecar wearing a spangly red helmet. For the five-mile ride around Greenfield Lake, these gentle sisters got to be tough Harley riders. Standing in the crowd of well-wishers, one elderly man said to another: “Don’t you hope that you’re that tough when you get to that age?” “She would have drove it if they’d let her,” said Tancrelle’s friend Delores Long. After rumbling back into the parking lot, Tancrelle reflected on their journey. “It was the most amazing ride of my life,” Tancrelle said, “just the wind blowing through my hair! I was glad Clara could come with me.” Watch the video.

Grandpa hates it when we take his picture