Double your dancing pleasure

Gary & Charlotte Chaney, Debbie Wheelis at the 2008 Rolling on the River Dance Event in St. Louis, MO. Gary Chaney and crew are now available for demos, workshops, and instruction at your event!

Alcohol is bad for your legs

A man goes into a cocktail lounge and approaches little old Maxine sitting by herself... "May I buy you a cocktail?" Maxine: "No thank you sir, alcohol is bad for my legs." "Sorry to hear that. Do they swell?" Maxine: "No, they spread."

Old Age Ain't For Sissies!

Questions and Answers from AARP Forum

Q: Where can men over the age of 60 find younger, sexy women who are interested in them?
A: Try a bookstore under fiction

Q: What can a man do while his wife is going through menopause?
A: Keep busy. If you're handy with tools, you can finish the basement. When you're done you'll have a place to live.

Q: How can you increase the heart rate of your 60-plus year old husband?
A: Tell him you're pregnant.

Q: How can you avoid that terrible curse of the elderly wrinkles?
A: Take off your glasses.

Q: Seriously! What can I do for these Crow's feet and all those wrinkles on my face?
A: Go braless. It will usually pull them out.

Q: Is it common for 60-plus year olds to have problems with short term memory storage?
A: Storing memory is not a problem, Retrieving it is the problem.

Q: As people age, do they sleep more soundly?
A: Yes, but usually in the afternoon.

Eat junk food and live longer

Now that I am older, my cardiologist advised me to watch my diet. Now I avoid eating healthy natural foods because I read that most people die of natural causes. I'll have a double Whopper please!

Tired of life as the forgotten Fifth Golden Girl, Zelda hit the road for a life of drugs and rock 'n roll.

Alternate headline: Zelda could hardly contain her excitement at the announcement of Ben & Jerry's newest flavor, Prune-alicious.

Rest is so important when you get older.

85 and still kickin'

The Fabulous Palm Springs Follies holds the Guinness record for being the oldest professional chorus line in the world, and one of its performers, Dorothy Dale Kloss, holds the record—at age 85—for being the oldest “still-performing showgirl.” Watch the video: http://bulletin.aarp.org/yourworld/articles/Dorothy_Dale_Kloss_Oldest_Showgirl_in_the_World.html

Old subject, new twist

Over five thousand years ago, Moses said to the children of Israel " pick up your shovel, mount your asses and camels, and I will lead you to the promised land". Nearly 75 years ago, Roosevelt said, " Lay down your shovels, sit on your asses, and light up a camel, this is the promised land". Now Obama has stolen your shovel , taxed your asses, raised the price of camels, and mortgaged the promised land. God help us.

Madona getting in shape for her next World Tour... Bodies The Exhibition.

Survived by his wife

From The New York Times, May 9, 2004: Alan King, the stand-up comedian who parlayed a borscht-belt sense of humor, a tummler's cheek and a big appetite for the limelight into a thoroughgoing show business career that lasted more than half a century, died Sunday morning at Memorial Sloan-Kettering Cancer Center in Manhattan. He was 76 and lived in Kings Point, N.Y. The cause of death was lung cancer. King is survived by his wife of 57 years, Jeanette. Thanks to Ira Rubin for sending that in.

OMG! I hope it doesn't come to this.

Love this little cartoon about getting older. I am fortunate that I haven't reached this advanced AARP stage yet. I do however miss my wet dreams and I don't thing my wife would be as pleasant as the character illustrated here. Not sure why the luggage is in the picture but I'm sure his wife told him "If you crap the bed one more time.... "

I was in the john the other day...

I was barely sitting down when I heard a voice from the other stall saying: "Hi, how are you?" I'm not the type to start a conversation in the restroom. I don't know what got into me, but I answered, somewhat embarrassed, "Doin' just fine!" And the other person says: "So what are you up to?" What kind of question is that? At that point, I'm thinking this is too bizarre so I say: "Uhhh, I'm like you, just sitting here." At this point I am just trying to get out as fast as I can when I hear another question: "Can I come over?" Ok, this question is just too weird for me. I figured I could politely end the conversation. I say: "No........ I'm a little busy right now!!!" Then I hear the person say, nervously: "Listen, I'll have to call you back. There's an idiot in the other stall who keeps answering all my questions!!"

There she blows!!

Bad hair day. But then again... every day is a bad hair day. lol.

Young@Heart

Prepare to be entertained by the inspiring individuals of YOUNG@HEART, a New England senior citizens chorus that has delighted audiences worldwide with their covers of songs by everyone from The Clash to Coldplay.

Now that's Good Cholesterol!

See more of Ron Coleman's senior citizen cartoons at: http://www.colemantoons.com/seniors.html

The Old Pirate

An old pirate walked into a bar and the bartender said, "Hey, I haven't seen you in a while. What happened? You look terrible." "What do you mean?" said the pirate. "I feel fine." Bartender: "What about the wooden leg? You didn't have that before." Pirate: "Well, we were in a battle and I got hit with a cannon ball, but I'm fine now." Bartender: "Well, okay, but what about that hook? What happened to your hand?" Pirate: "We were in another battle. I boarded a ship and got into a sword fight. My hand was cut off. I got fitted with a hook I'm fine, really." Bartender: "What about that eye patch?" Pirate: "Oh, one day we were at sea and a flock of birds flew over. I looked up and one of them shit in my eye." "You're kidding," said the bartender. "You lost an eye just from bird shit:" Pirate: "It was my first day with the hook." Thanks to Charley Brazda for sharing that.

A little wartime nostalgia

Accused of joining his unit three months late in 1940, he announces: "I'll make up for it – I'll fight nights, as well."

Spike Milligan's celebrated war memoirs are finally brought to the stage. This anarchic odyssey charts Gunner Milligan's progress through World War Two - and with Spike's sense of lunacy, anything can happen along the way! High comedy and tragedy collide, as we follow him and his jazz quartet, adrift on the tide of great historic events. Using Milligan's own words, the show joyously fuses comedy, song and dance - showing how humour, music and comradeship enabled a hapless bunch of young men to prevail against the might of the Nazi War machine. For more information visit: http://www.hampsteadtheatre.com/prod-productions_details.asp?PID=123

Social Security Sex

Two old men were talking. "So, how's your sex life?"
"Oh, nothing special. I'm having Social Security sex."
"Social Security sex?"
"Yeah, you know; I get a little each month, but not enough to live on!"

Now that's a healthy prostate!

A man walks into his doctor's office and sits down in the waiting room. While he is waiting his turn to be seen, a casual acquaintance walks in and sits down next to him.The newcomer asks "W w what are yyy you ddd doing here?" The man replies, " I am waiting to see the doctor." "W wwhy dd do yyy you wwant to sss see hhim?" The man replies, "Well, if you must know, I have a prostate problem." "A pp prostate ppp problem, wwhat's ttthat?" "Well, if you must know. I pee like you talk."

A good night's sleep is so important

Every have one of those days?

Did you hear the joke about...

Just what it’s called: old Jews telling jokes. The joke tellers featured aren’t professionals; rather they’re doctors, lawyers, a garment worker, a wine salesman – just like your favorite Jewish uncle or grandparent. With wonderful timing and mannerisms, and bouncy klezmer music backing them up, these funny old alter kockers deliver, with great delight, the off-color and risqué jokes from a bygone era. Please visit: http://oldjewstellingjokes.com/

I can't remember

Just a line to say I 'm living. That I'm not among the dead. Though I'm getting more forgetful and mixed up in the head. I got used to my arthritis, to my dentures I'm resigned, I can manage my bifocals, but God I miss my mind. For sometimes I can't remember when I stand at the foot of the stairs, if I must go up for something or have I just come down from there. And before the fridge so often my poor mind is filled with doubt have I just put food away, or have I come to take some out. And there is time when it is dark with my nightcap on my head, I don't know if I'm retiring or just getting out of bed.

So, if it's my turn to write you there's no need to get sore, I may think that I have written and don't want to be a bore. So, remember that I miss you and wish that you were near, but now it's nearly mail time so I must say goodbye I fear. There I stand beside the mailbox with a face so very red. Instead of mailing you this letter I had opened it instead. Thank you Bob for sending that in.

Adventure before dementia

I always said... "Growing old ain't for sissies."

Class of 1969

Very funny ad by Dubai Cosmetic Surgery. Click on any picture to see it full size.

Fake bus stop keeps Alzheimer's patients from escaping

There's a bus stop located outside the Benrath Senior Centre in Dusseldorf, Germany. People occasionally walk up to the stop and stand there, waiting for a bus, but a bus never comes. In fact, the stop is on no bus route. It's a faux bus stop, purposefully created by the local department of transportation as a lure designed to deceive Alzheimer's patients from the senior centre. “It sounds funny,” said Old Lions Chairman Franz-Josef Goebel, “but it helps." Our members are 84 years-old on average. Their short-term memory hardly works at all, but the long-term memory is still active. They know the green and yellow bus sign and remember that waiting there means they will go home.” The result is that errant patients now wait for their trip home at the bus stop, before quickly forgetting why they were there in the first place.“We will approach them and say that the bus is coming later today and invite them in to the home for a coffee,” said Mr Neureither. “Five minutes later they have completely forgotten they wanted to leave.” The idea has proved so successful that it has now been adopted by several other homes across Germany.

The "Remember?" song by Tom Rush.

All you seniors and boomers will love the "Remember?" song." It's on Tom's CD TROLLING FOR OWLS available from Tom's website: http://tomrush.com/

The senior citizen song.

Hilton Griswold sings Ira Stanphil's humorous song about "aging."

A trip down memory lane.

“The Marvelous Wonderettes” continues in an open-ended run at the Westside Theater, 407 West 43rd Street, Call Telecharge at (212) 239-6200. Beth Malone, Victoria Matlock, Bets Malone, and Farah Alvin belt out 30 hit songs from the 50's & 60's. Visit http://www.marvelouswonderettes.com for more information.

Air Guitar. Play hard... Life is short.

MEDICINE-MIXING ALERT

Most people know not to mix certain medicines without consulting their doctors. Some medicines cannot be mixed with certain foods... and certainly most of us know not to mix certain medicines with alcohol.... although, some people think that mixing alcohol and medicine is harmless. As a public service the AMA and Health Canada have recently published a new warning being distributed via pamphlets in pharmacies across the U.S. And Canada... Attached is the cover jacket of the pamphlet:


Thank you Susan Helene for sending this in.

Flamingo Court was hilarious. Three thumbs up!

Thank you Joe Trentacosta for the complimentary press passes. My wife and I really enjoyed the show this afternoon. I am really saddened however that this was the final performance. All you old geezers & boomers be sure to check out the offical Flamingo Court website: http://www.flamingocourt.com/ just in case it comes back again next year. I highly recommend seeing it.

No one believes seniors . . . everyone thinks they are senile.

An Elderly couple was celebrating their sixtieth anniversary. The couple had married as childhood sweethearts and had moved back to their old neighborhood after they retired. Holding hands they walked back to their old school. It was not locked, so they entered, and found the old desk they'd shared, where Andy had carved 'I love you, Sally.' On their way back home, a bag of money fell out of an armored car, practically landing at their feet Sally quickly picked it up, but not sure what to do with it, they took it home. There, she counted the money-- fifty-thousand dollars. Andy said, 'We've got to give it back.' Sally said, 'Finders keepers.' She put the money back in the bag and hid it in their attic. The next day, two FBI men were canvassing the neighborhood looking for the money, and knocked on the door. 'Pardon me, but did either of you find a bag that fell out of an armored car yesterday?' Sally said, 'No.' Andy said, 'She's lying. She hid it up in the attic.' Sally said, 'Don't believe him, he's getting senile..' The agents turn to Andy and began to question him. One says: 'Tell us the story from the beginning' Andy said, 'Well, when Sally and I were walking home from school yesterday . . ' The first FBI guy turns to his partner and says, 'We're outta here.' Sent in my James Reid.

No peace.

AARP Senior Citizen Spelling Bee

Bill Long who has a real taste for words. Every year, Long competes in a senior spelling bee. He never wins -- and punishes himself by eating the word he spelled wrong.

All the homegirls think grandpa is a stud muffin.

Check out Mike Gruhn's senior citizen cartoons. And all his other funny cartoons while you're there. I'll be posting more from time to time. Thanks Mike for permission to post. Please visit: http://www.webdonuts.com/tag/seniors/

Senior Wisdom

The wise old Mother Superior was dying. The nuns gathered around her bed, trying to make her comfortable. They gave her some warm milk to drink, but she refused it. Then one nun took the glass back to the kitchen. Remembering a bottle of whiskey received as a gift the previous Christmas, she opened it and poured a generous amount into the warm milk. Back at Mother Superior's bed, she held the glass to her lips. Mother drank a little, then a little more, then before they knew it, she had drunk the whole glass of milk down to the last drop. "Mother, Mother" the nuns cried, "Give us some wisdom before you die!" She raised herself up in bed with a pious look on her face and pointing out the window, she said, "Don't sell that cow!"

Services will be held on Sunday.

A husband and wife are getting ready for bed. The wife is standing in front of a full length mirror taking a hard look at herself. "You know, dear," she says, "I look in the mirror and I see an old woman. My face is all wrinkled, every thing else is either sagging or bloated. I've got fat legs, and my arms are all flabby." She turns to her husband and says, "Tell me something positive to make me feel better about myself."He studies hard for a moment thinking about it and then says in a soft, thoughtful voice, "Well, there's nothing wrong with your eyesight." Services for the husband will be held Saturday morning at 10:30 AM at Morris Memorial Chapel. Female friends of the family are invited.

The problem with golfing as you get older...

Grandma & Grandpa are feeling a little naughty today

"Come on Skitter, let's get you some of them new unmentionables... I hear they have edible bloomers now." "Oh Charlie!... let's see if they have anything to perk up that rusty old thing of yours?"

Great gift idea for the old geezers in your life

The ABC’s Of Aging inspires laughter for those 50+ years who can relate to the trials and tribulations of getting older. The caricature drawings are vibrant in color along with descriptive poetry that covers many aspects of aging, from cataracts to insomnia - from osteoporosis to liposuction. The ABC’s Of Aging makes a fabulous gift for any occasion, including a get-well spirit-lifter. Please contact Rita Katz to purchase this delightful book. It retails for $13.95 in book stores, but just say you seen it on my blog and it will only cost you $12.00, including FREE shipping. Email: ritahumorbook@aol.com or call her at (407) 506-7171 to get your copy.

Prescription drug side effects

Viagra side effects

An elderly man comes to a doctor and, twitching his fingers and stuttering, finally manages to say, "Doctor, I have a sexual performance problem. Can you help me?" "Oh, that's not a problem for us men anymore!" announces a proud physician. "They have this new wonder drug, Viagra, that does the trick. You take some pills and your problems are history." So the doctor gives the man a prescription and sends him on his merry way. A couple of months later the doctor runs into his patient on the street. "Doctor, doctor," exclaims the man excitedly, "I've got to thank you. This drug is a miracle. It's wonderful." "Well, I'm glad to hear that," says the pleased physician. "What does your wife think about it?" "Wife?" asks the man, "I haven't been home yet."

New study says drinking prevents Alzheimer's. I'll drink to that.

Men over 50 should have an annual prostate exam.

Well... at least you don't have to cough.

Over Sixty? Get free Viagra... In Mexico.

In a country such as ours where citizens face daily struggles with poverty, unemployment, corruption, hunger, sickness, and not to mention a violent drug war adding kidnapping, execution, and extortion to an already twisted mix, Mexico City’s Mayor, Marcelo Ebrard, has implemented a new social program offering free viagra in efforts to lift the spirits of our capital’s poor elderly, aged sixty or above, male citizens. In announcing the erectile dysfunction program in November, Mr. Ebrard, 49, portrayed it as a way of bringing smiles to the faces of those who have reached the tercera edad, or third age, as Mexicans call the golden years. Read more: http://jacqui.instablogs.com/entry/mexico-city-free-viagra-and-the-taboo-of-senior-citizen-sex

Growing old is mandatory: growing up is optional.

Funny Kiwi brand shoe polish ad.

Nothing like a good BM

AARP Clothing Aisle.

This was taken at the Dennis supermarket in Zhengzhou, China.

It's gonna blow any minute.

The way others see us.

I just love chinese take out food.

Have you tried Sum Yong Kid yet? It's really delicious.

What's for dinner babe? I'm hungry!!

Jay Leno Being Set Up

Want To Know How I Feel Today?

Tail To The Chief

Seen this in today's NY Post. The leader of the free world and his French counterpart were caught sneaking a peek at a the pink-satin-draped booty of a 17-year-old junior G-8 delegate just moments before the summit's official group photo was snapped in Italy yesterday. But - let's go to the video.

Wine Equals Health

To my friends who enjoy a glass of wine... and those who don't. As Ben Franklin said: In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is freedom, in water there is bacteria. In a number of carefully controlled trials, scientists have demonstrated that if we drink 1 liter of water each day, at the end of the year we would have absorbed more than 1 kilo of Escherichia coli, (E. Coli) - bacteria found in feces. In other words, we are consuming 1 kilo of poop. However, we do NOT run that risk when drinking wine & beer (or tequila, rum, whiskey or other liquor) because alcohol has to go through a purification process of boiling, filtering and/or fermenting. Remember: Water = Poop, Wine = Health. Therefore, it's better to drink wine and talk stupid, than to drink water and be full of shit . There is no need to thank me for this valuable information: I'm doing it as a public service!

Can't Take Grandpa Anywhere

Reminds me of the Coppertone Ad with the little girl and the dog pulling her bathing suit down.

Have You Met Walter Yet?

Umbrella hats. Kids OK. Older Folks...NOT!

You're Pitching Today

Two 90-year-old women, Rose and Barb had been friends all of their lives. When it was clear that Rose was dying, Barb visited her every day. One day Barb said, 'Rose, we both loved playing women's softball all our lives, and we played all through High School. Please do me one favor: when you get to Heaven, somehow you must let me know if there's women's softball there.' Rose looked up at Barb from her deathbed and said, 'Barb, you've been my best friend for many years. If it's at all possible, I'll do this favor for you.' Shortly after that, Rose passed on. A few nights later, Barb was awakened from a sound sleep by a blinding flash of white light and a voice calling out to her, 'Barb, Barb.' 'Who is it?', asked Barb, sitting up suddenly. 'Who is it?' 'Barb -- it's me, Rose.' 'You're not Rose. Rose just died.' 'I'm telling you, it's me, Rose,' insisted the voice. 'Rose! Where are you?' 'In Heaven,' replied Rose. 'I have some really good news and a little bad news.' 'Tell me the good news first,' said Barb. 'The good news,' Rose said, 'is that there's softball in Heaven. Better yet all of our old buddies who died before us are here, too. Better than that, we're all young again. Better still, it's always springtime, and it never rains or snows. And best of all, we can play softball all we want, and we never get tired.' 'That's fantastic,' said Barb. 'It's beyond my wildest dreams! So what's the bad news?' 'Well,' said Rose," .............**** 'You're pitching Tuesday.'

Rain Is A Gift From God

A pastor's wife was expecting a baby, so he stood before the congregation and asked for a raise. After much discussion, they approved a policy that expanded his paycheck whenever the preacher's family expanded. After six children, this started to get expensive, and the congregation decided to hold another meeting to discuss the Preacher's expanding salary. A great deal of yelling and inner bickering ensued about how much the clergyman's additional children were costing the church, and how much larger his paycheck might go. After listening to them for about an hour, the pastor rose from his chair and spoke, 'Children are a gift from God, and we will take as many gifts as He gives us. Silence fell on the congregation. In the back pew, a little old lady struggled to stand, and finally said, in her frail voice, 'Rain is also a gift from God, but when we get too much of it, we wear rubbers.' The entire congregation said, 'Amen.

Japanese Prime Minister Taro Aso and President Obama

True story I'm told, and very funny. A few days ago, Japanese Prime Minister Taro Aso was given some basic English conversation training before he visited Washington and met president Barack Obama. The instructor said to the Prime Minister Taro Aso, "When you shake hand with President Obama, please say 'How are you'. Then Mr. Obama should say, 'I am fine, and you?' Now, you should say 'me too'. Afterwards we, the translators, will do the work for you.' It looks quite simple, but the truth is... when Taro Aso met Obama , he mistakenly said 'Who are you?' (Instead of 'How are you?'.) Mr. Obama was a bit shocked but still managed to react with humor: 'Well, I'm Michelle's husband, ha-ha... Then Taro Aso replied 'Me too, ha-ha.. ..' Then there was a long silence in the meeting room.

The Man, The Myth. The Legend. The Sweatshirt.

It's True. We Get Crabby In Our Old Age

Shopping For Grandpa Made Easy

Some Cures For Snoring Old Geezers

Just about everyone snores occasionally. Even a baby or a beloved pet may snore! But snoring can affect the quantity and quality of your sleep. Poor sleep can lead to daytime fatigue, irritability and increased health problems. And, if your snoring is so loud that your bed partner can't sleep, you may end up banished from the bedroom. Sleeping in separate bedrooms doesn’t have to be the remedy for your snoring. In fact, there are many effective treatments for snoring. Discovering the cause of your snoring and finding the right cure will vastly improve your health, your relationships, and, of course, your sleep. Read more: http://www.helpguide.org/life/snoring.htm