Cash For Geezers Program Highlights

Democrats, realizing the success of the President's "Cash For Clunkers" rebate program, have revamped a major portion of their National Health Care Plan. President Obama, Speaker Pelosi, and Sen. Reid are expected to make this major announcement at a joint news conference later this week. I have obtained an advanced copy of the proposal which is named ... "CASH FOR GEEZERS" and it works like this: Couples wishing to access health care funds in order to pay for the delivery of a child will be required to turn in one old person. The amount the government grants them will be fixed according to a sliding scale. Older and more prescription dependent geezers will garner the highest amounts. Special "Bonuses" will be paid for those submitting geezers in targeted groups, such as smokers, alcohol drinkers, persons 10 pounds over their government prescribed weight, and any member of the Republican Party. Smaller bonuses will be given for geezers who consume beef, soda, fried foods, potato chips, lattes, whole milk, dairy products, bacon, Brussel sprouts, or Girl Scout Cookies. All geezers will be rendered totally useless via toxic injection. This will insure that they are not secretly resold or their body parts harvested to keep other geezers in repair. Run my old friend, Run! And remember you heard it here first... RUN, MY OLD FRIEND, RUN!!!